QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
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ARRANGED MARRIAGES:

Question: What does the church think about arranged marriages?

Dear Myriam,

Thank you for your question regarding arranged marriages. I've done some
limited research on the subject and have not turned up much. It is not a
common topic. However, I will give you some thoughts on the subject.

Arranged marriages have been the cultural norm for various societies and at
different points in history. It does not happen to be the norm of our
western culture. While the practice had a purpose -- the assurance of
social security for children through marriage -- it also has its
limitations.

The strength of arranged marriages lay in the cultural milieu where this was
practiced. There was often an appreciation of the value of marriage, its
obligations and contributions to the culture in the procreation and
education of children. These marriages generally lasted.

The limitations of arranged marriages lay in the fact that a couple was
often not free to choose. What we must understand is that free consent is
an essential element in the Church's recognition of a valid marriage.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) states:

"The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the
indispensable element that "makes the marriage." If consent is lacking
there is no marriage." (CCC #1626)

"The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties,
free of coercion or grave external fear. No human power can substitute for
this consent. If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid." (CCC
#1628)

So, in the case of an arranged marriage, I do not see that the Church
explicitly states it is wrong, nor does it seem to openly discourage the
practice . . . in some cultures and during certain eras of history it was
perfectly acceptable. (As a parent I have often joked that it would be "so
much easier" to just arrange our children's marriages so as to know that
they'll get good spouses! However, all joking aside, we will leave the
process of selecting a good spouse to our children -- with our sound
direction and guidance offered through a courtship process. We pray daily
for our children's future spouses. I encourage all young people to take up
this practice . . . even if you don't know who your future spouse will be,
God does!)

Truly, I do believe the move in our culture away from the practice of
arranged marriages is a good thing. The process of finding a spouse is a
special time in life. Prayerfully discerning God's will for your future and
growing through a courtship relationship is an exciting stage -- filled with
blessings and many opportunities to grow in virtues that help prepare a
couple for the challenges of married life. Having prepared well for
marriage, a couple can enter into this holy and sacred covenant freely,
without reservation and give their full consent.

Again, the Catechism states:

"It is imperative to give suitable and timely instruction to young people
above all in the heart of their own families, about the dignity of married
love, its role and its exercise, so that, having learned the value of
chastity, they will be able at a suitable age to engage in honourable
courtship and enter upon a marriage of their own." (#1632)

Parents and family are called to play an essential role in the preparation
of their children for marriage. But, ultimately, the choice must always be
(even in the case of arranged marriages) "a free and responsible act . . .
so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations." (CCC#1632)

I hope these thoughts address your question, Myriam. We pray for all who
use my website and we ask that you would remember our family and this
apostolate work of promoting purity in your prayers.

Blessings,
In His Most Holy Name,
Carmen

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