QUESTIONS and ANSWERS
ABOUT COURTSHIP
WHEN SINGLENESS
BECOMES A CROSS:
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Question: I pray every day for God to please send me a devout
Catholic husband and I ask the Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and Saint
Therese to intervene. I almost feel though that I am almost too old
now to ever get married or have children. I have no idea though how
to figure out if it's my vocation or not. All I can tell you is I've
always wanted to get married and have children. I love children and
want so much to be a mommy.
This desire is hidden away in
my heart.
Maria
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Dear Maria,
This is truly a tough question! I want to share
with you three quick stories here, that I think will help to put
perspective on the situation.
(1) One lady whom I know, very much felt called to marriage. Her
life circumstances (caring for a sick parent) prevented her from being in
social settings that would have facilitated meeting anyone. Still,
she was committed to her dying mother. After her mother died, years
went by. She still never met anyone. But, she was faithful in
her love for the Lord and remained chaste in her lifestyle. When she
was in her late forties, she finally met someone. They married and
they enjoyed nine years of true "wedded bliss" together until he died of
cancer. She has now been alone again for eighteen years, since her
husband’s death. But, she often says that for those nine years with
the man she loved the most, it was worth the wait for the right man to
come into her life . . . even if that was all the time God granted them
together. Did she regret not being able to have children? I
think so, in some ways. But that regret never stopped her from
living out a vocation of love and spiritual motherhood for many, many
children ─ nieces and nephews, and
children of friends. She has blessed the lives of many.
(2) One lady whom I know is now forty-two. She felt called to
marriage, and her whole life all she ever wanted was to get married and be
a mommy. She struggled all through her twenties, wondering why God
had not brought the right man into her life. She dated a few men,
but she knew these men were not right for her. Through her thirties
she began to resign herself to the fact that she was not going to ever get
married. There was a deep sadness there, but a certain freedom in no
longer pining for something she knew she would never have. Now in
her early forties, she is still a single woman. But her whole life has
been one of dedication to her faith. She has generously offered her
time and talents to the Church. And she has loved many, many
children and received their love and admiration in return. She is a
teacher and she also has over twenty-five nieces and nephews. She
has been chosen as God-mother for about ten kids. She has been a
spiritual mother and a model of holiness for all who know her. Has
she had a cross to bear in her life? Yes. But then again, who
doesn't? But she has borne it well. Why did God place that
desire on her heart and never allow it to be fulfilled? I don't
know; neither does she. But God does. And maybe He did fulfill
the desire of her heart, just in a way she never understood. But
when she goes to heaven one day, she will see the effect of all the
spiritual mothering she did in this life. Her crown of glory will be
most resplendent . . . for those who live out their virginity for the sake
of the Kingdom will bear much fruit and will shine with incredible glory
alongside their bridegroom in heaven!
(3) One lady whom I know of, but have never met personally, was a
grandmother sharing her story with a friend of mine. She told my
friend that she was often asked, "Why did you have so few children?"
She only had seven ─ compared to all her siblings who had over ten kids!!
She would always explain that it was because she married late in life.
She was forty when she got married!!! She and her husband had seven
children through her forties!!! SO, all hope is not lost for you,
Maria! If it is God's will for you to marry and have children, He
will reveal it to you in time . . . and nothing is impossible for God!
I think the secret to joy through this whole process of waiting,
discerning and waiting some more, is for you to focus your love on your
bridegroom, Jesus. For until He brings someone else into your life,
worthy of the love He has intended for you, then your heart rightfully
belongs to Jesus alone! Even after you marry, Jesus must remain the
centre of your heart. You and your husband must build your love for
each other out of the love you each have for Jesus. But for now,
Jesus is guarding you as His own! That's a treasured place to be, if
we only have the eyes of faith to see it. Our world tells us we are
nobody, unless we have somebody! Well, we do have somebody . . . we
have Christ. Don't fall into the deception of Satan that that is
somehow a consolation prize for those who could not marry! Being the
bride of Christ is no consolation prize . . . it is the eternal reward we
all hunger for in complete fulfillment!
Kimberly Hahn says, "The best way to find Mr. Right is to stop looking for
him. The problem is, we tend to walk around with our hands covering
our eyes, but we're trying to peek through our fingers to see if Mr. Right
has shown up yet!" The truth is, though, it's not possible to miss
out on your future because you went to the laundromat instead of the
library. Trust God! He has a perfect plan for your life! Be
patient and allow Him to fulfill the desires of your heart in His way.
In the end, against the backdrop of eternity, we always discover His plan
IS best. We're just so impatient.
I'm not sure if these thoughts will help you out, Maria. Be assured we are
praying for you. I think I told you my twelve-year-old daughter decided to
offer up a novena for you to St. Therese of Lisieux. Kids are so
cool! They just get right down to it!
Blessings to you,
In His Most Holy Name,
Carmen
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