Dealing with Crushes...

Question:

Please help me! I have a MAJOR crush on my math teacher, even though he's as old as my parents and is married!! How can I get rid of this crush? Just wait it out, or is their something I can do? Am I a freak, or is this kind of thing normal?

 

Questions...

 

 

Dear Tara,

Thank you for your question. First off, I want you to know you are not a freak. It is very normal and common for girls to have crushes on their teachers. What you do with the crush is the important thing.

A crush tells you that there is something about this man that you find attractive. It could be as simple as his physical appearance, but it is often more likely his personality or some other quality of his. So, take note. These are some of the things you find attractive in a man. Keep that in mind for when you get to an age where you are considering looking for a husband.

What can you do now in dealing with this crush? First of all, remind yourself that it is just a crush and don’t allow yourself to make more out of it than what it really is. What you don’t want to do is to indulge in fantasies related to this man! This is so important. A crush is just a feeling – neither good nor bad on its own. What you do with that feeling is what matters.

If you indulge in fantasizing about this man not only will you continue to feed this crush, but you are in danger of sinning. Because this man is married, you cannot allow yourself to get carried away with thinking about him romantically. Be reminded that Jesus tells us in Matthew 4:28: "But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." That same principle applies in reverse. If a woman has adulterous thoughts toward a man, she is also committing adultery in her heart.

And even if this man were not married, indulging in fantasy is never a good practice. We need to keep are minds and hearts under the authority of Jesus Christ. As women, we need to discipline our minds not to get carried away, over-romanticizing relationships with men. It is a dangerous pattern that is hard to break later in life when you do finally meet and marry that perfect someone for you. If you have allowed your heart to easily give way to romanticizing your relationships with men, you will struggle in being faithful to your husband in your heart (and ultimately this could lead to infidelity in marriage).

Does this mean you can’t be attracted to guys? Of course it doesn’t. You will be attracted to all kinds of men over the course of your life. You may have many crushes on guys over the years. Once again, a crush or an attraction just tells you there’s something there that you like. Take note . . . and move on.

For that matter, take note of what you don’t find attractive in the men or guys that you know. This kind of inventory will help you later in determining what it is you are seeking in a spouse.

If you are called to the vocation of marriage, then you can be certain that God has picked out for you one man and one man alone! He’s out there. Trust God that He has a perfect plan for your life and that He will bring this man into your life when you are ready for marriage.

All these traits and characteristics that you have noted in men over the years will help you to know and recognize the right man God has planned for you. In the meantime, enjoy the virtue of friendship with the guys that God brings into your life. You will have many friends that are guys over the course of your life – but you will only have one husband. The virtue of sincere friendship with men will serve you well throughout your entire life. And it will be much easier to develop this virtue if you can train yourself not to romanticize these friendships.

I hope these thoughts help you to put some perspective on this crush you have on your Math teacher. This is but one little experience in life – even though it seems very big to you now. Remember, you have a long life ahead of you.

Make the effort now to keep yourself pure in heart, in mind and in body for your future husband. Take time now to pray for your future spouse. Spending time in prayer for him now will help you to form your heart in fidelity for him later on when you are married.

And keep your heart focussed on Christ. Make Jesus your number one until He brings into your life your one and only!

As you keep your heart focused on Christ I believe you will find it much easier to move on from this school-girl crush. And trust me, someday you will look back on it and laugh that it was ever so big and so important! I know that I now laugh at the crushes I had on guys – teachers included – when I was younger!

You will be in my prayers. Please pray for me, my family and this ministry of promoting purity in the world.

Blessings,
In His Most Holy Name,

Carmen